We get told the story at a very young age, we don’t question it too much, we just assume that this is how things are going to be. So, we follow the road map we are given. If we venture off that road, on to trails that most don’t want to travel (or admit to even thinking about traveling) people around us don’t like it. It’s scary to them. It’s challenging to them. And it makes them look at things they’d rather not look at – themselves and their own lives.
People get uncomfortable when we break the rules, when we do something that doesn’t quite conform. So instead of understanding, they become judgmental. Using my marriages and divorces as an example, I don’t know how many references were made that described me as “must be hard to live with”- “can’t you keep a man?” - the type of language designed only to keep you questioning yourself, feeling bad about yourself, and like something is wrong with you. And then when getting married for the third time, I heard things like, “Third time’s a charm” - “What, are you competing with Liz Taylor?” – “Well, this one better stick.” All tongue in cheek. But not really.
Ugh. How could I feel good about myself? How could I like the life I was living? All I was feeling was that I blew it. That I had my chance and now that was gone. I was getting too old for any do-overs. Have you ever felt this way? It’s a horrible feeling!
Finding a way to accept, appreciate, and grow from the way my life had unfolded, from the choices and decisions I had made, was going to take some work. I had to put in the effort to dig a bit deeper – and to start viewing life as more of a school – continuing education so to speak. It wasn’t a pass or fail system – it was strictly lesson after lesson. Which I’ve discovered, is what life is for all of us. And I also found value in all I had been through – it led me places I wouldn’t have otherwise gone. I had experiences under my belt – and I came to appreciate and be proud of them. You have to, otherwise, if you don’t can’t make peace with your past, you’ll never make peace with your present.
In next week’s email, I’ll share with you what I found to be the most effective means to reach a place of acceptance and peace, how you can stop listening to those voices that don’t belong to you, and look forward instead of back.
Xx
Kim
